Our Deal

Before Daniel and I got married, perhaps even before we got engaged, we negotiated all sorts of details of our future life together. We were young, true, and so we had little idea how much we each would change, how much our circumstances would change, and how little we really knew about what it meant to be grown up.

We've been married eight short years, but in these years we have already changed and grown so much. We've lived in four different houses and three different cities. We've attended and been members of four different churches. We've survived Daniel's successful completion of graduate school. We've welcomed three glorious children into the world. We've been challenged by our faith. We've gotten into shape and gotten back out of shape. (We're currently working on getting back into shape). We've struggled with and overcome the challenges of my depression. We've grieved the loss of a parent, and seen friends grieve the loss of their own children. We've struggled with debt and at times been overwhelmed by the challenges of eliminating that debt. We've agonized over how to parent our children, how to be fair and at the same time account for their unique personalities. We've learned to accept each other's idiosyncrasies, and to most times even enjoy them. We have done so much, and life has been so good. Sometimes I forget that part. That part about how good it all has been.

I was running today, thinking about my family, and I remembered so vividly an agreement Daniel and I made before we were married. We agreed that if it were financially feasible, one of us would always be at home with our kids. In spite of how much we've each changed and all of the challenges we've faced, Daniel and I have kept our deal. I am really thankful for that.

Almost exactly a year ago, we had a come to Jesus meeting about our financial situation, and we decided to give Dave Ramsey a try. We kind of had to give Dave a try, lest I be compelled to find a job. We've now been using our little cash envelopes for year. At first I was embarrassed to pull out my little red envelope and rifle through it to make sure I had enough cash to cover the grocery bill. I was embarrassed to tell our friends that we couldn't go out to eat because it wasn't in the budget. I was mortified to admit that we had been deluding ourselves for so long about our financial habits. But in order to change, we had to be really honest about who we were, how we were living, and what was important to us.

It's been about a year since we started Dave's program, and in that year, we have eliminated $35,000 of debt. Yes, $35,000! I've cut coupons, made menus, and stopped buying organic (then started buying organic again). Daniel gave up his iPhone, he stopped eating out with with his coworkers, and just this week he sold his truck. He loved that truck. We paid off my car and bought Daniel a used one. We paid cash! And what's better, we've been able to tithe this whole time. For the first time in our tithing history, we signed up for the automatic draft, and when our tax statement came this year, and I saw how much we had given, I was so proud of us. And I was so happy that we had not, in all of our enthusiasm to be debt free, forgotten to give back some of our gifts. God has been so good.

We still have a long way to go, and we're still working really hard to get rid of our debt. Between the two of us, we have eight years of tuition from private school-- that's some serious money. Our decision to have me stay at home while Daniel was in graduate school probably set us back even farther, but we kept our deal: I stayed at home with Ella. We certainly accrued more debt, but now we're paying it all back.

Sometimes when I'm out, I'll see an adorable kid wearing a cute, funky little outfit, and I'll wish I'll could buy the same things for my kids. And sometimes I'll be out and sheepishly notice that I am the dowdiest of all in attendance. I know it seems pretty materialistic (probably is), but sometimes I just want to have nice things. And sometimes I mention this to Daniel, who always lovingly reminds me that although we might all look like ragamuffins, we've made our choices. We've chosen this life because we want it and because we need it, and we are really blessed. He's right.