Do Roaches Eat Pizza?

We live in Houston, where it's warm and humid, so naturally we see an occasional roach. Those nasty little critters appear rarely, but when they do appear, they become a source of domestic hysteria. I see a roach and immediately become skittish, running around the house, making involuntary "eek" noises. I typically enlist Daniel to exterminate the roach, but I sometimes call upon on Ella, who is not at all afraid of roaches. Jude, on the other hand, he reacts kind of like I do. So does Virginia.

Two days ago, Jude was alone in the living room when he began screaming bloody murder. I raced down the stairs to help him and found him huddled on the staircase, shuddering and hysterical, and pointing to the living room. In a high pitched shriek, he exclaimed "rooooaaaach, rooooooaaaach!" Well, Daniel wasn't here and neither was Ella, and so I was forced to rise to the occasion and exterminate the critter myself. I did. And I used my own shoe (though I was really tempted to use Daniel's). It was a pretty quick and painless ordeal and after I disinfected my shoe, I felt okay. Maybe even a little proud. Jude calmed down, and we went about our day without further mention of the roach.

Tonight our doorbell rang. It was the pizza man delivering our pizzas. Jude ran to open the door. I ran after him. The delivery man handed me the pizzas ...

Delivery man: Hello, two pizzas ... (handing them to me)

Jude: The pizza, the roaches that go in the living room can't has some, right mom? Cause there's dangerous, right?

Me: Well, mostly they can't have it because I bought the pizza for us.

Delivery man: Thank you.

Jude: And they's dangerous. We should smash them all.

As we sat down for dinner, Jude needed a little clarification.

Jude: But roaches can has a little bit of pizza in water, right mom?

Me: No.

Jude: Well, what can they eat?

Me: Paper, maybe. Maybe grain. I don't know, Jude. Just eat your pizza.