The Bathroom Chronicles & Some Other Stuff

Shortly before they went to bed, I had a very insightful conversation with the girls. The topics of the conversation were so diverse and sometimes strange, that retelling it will hardly do it justice. Still, I want to always remember these precious times, and so I'll try to just type it exactly as I remember. If I maintain any level of accuracy, the conversation should seem somewhat convoluted and certainly stream of consciousness. Here it goes ...

(Ella's words will be in gray, mine in blue, and Virginia's in green).

Mom, there's something that I need to tell you, and you can't tell anyone.

Okay, what is it?

When I'm in the bathroom at school, I wait until someone else flushes before I flush the toilet.

Really? Why is that?

I'm embarrassed to flush. And actually, I got caught today. I was in the bathroom, standing by the toilet, just waiting for someone to flush. Finally, this girl flushed and so I flushed too. But when I got out of the stall, she asked me if I had waited to flush. I told her that I had and she asked me why. I told her that I was embarrassed. She asked me why I was embarrassed, and I told her that I didn't know why. And there was this one time that I just didn't flush, because I forgot. Well, there were some big kids in the bathroom, and they noticed. This one girl (she must have been in junior high) said, "Why didn't you flush?" I told her I had forgotten and she told me it was gross. But mom, there was this other big girl who I know is going to make a great mother one day, and she told the mean girl, "Leave her alone. You're making her sad." And so I just know that she is going to make a great mother ... Also, mom, there was this time that I got someone else's poop water on me. The kid before me didn't flush but I sat down anyway, and I got some of her poop water. I wiped it off. But sometimes I go into the stall and there is pee all over the seat.

What do you do when that happens?

I just sit on it. I mean, I can't just walk out of the stall, you know.

Sweetie, next time that happens, please wipe off the seat before you sit down.

Okay.

(a few minutes pass)

Mom, why aren't you going to read us a bedtime story? I said I was sorry.

Virginia, saying you're sorry doesn't automatically make things better. When you are rude, you lose privileges.

Yeah, Virginia, mommy and daddy are doing this for a reason. They are trying to teach us to be good. Don't you know that when you grow up, if you get put in jail, you don't get out of jail just because you say you're sorry.

Does anyone ever get out of jail?

It just depends on how bad you are. If you kill someone, maybe you'll never get out of jail, right mom?

That can be true. Sometimes people who are really bad stay in jail until they die.

But bad people never die.

Sure they do, Virginia. It's the good people who never die. The good people just grow old and then go on to live in heaven forever. That's what's great about getting old, you get to spoil all of your grandchildren and then go straight up to heaven. So mom, is Grandma Rite's mom still alive?

No sweetie, she died a long time ago.

No, that means we have no grandma! Waaaaah ...

No, Virginia, all of your grandparents are fine. We were talking about grandma Mary Beth's grandma, not your grandma.

Well, I don't want to die. Ever!

Virginia, you're not going to die. You're going to be alive for a long time. You might even be alive 100 years from now.

Actually, she'll be alive one thousand sixty nine hundred years from now. It's okay, Virginia.

(sniff, sniff) Okay.

Alright girls, it's time for bed. Ella, may God bless you, and may you thank Him for all of your blessings.

Yeah, we should both thank Him for this miracle he just did.

What are you talking about?

He just came into me. He came into my body and made me happy about growing old. He made me understand that after you are old, you live with Him forever, and so there is no reason to be scared of growing old. It was a miracle mom, a real miracle. I have always been afraid of getting old and dying, and I am not afraid anymore.

Ella, that makes me so happy.

Well, don't be happy with me, mom. It was God who did it, not me. You should be happy with God.

Um, mommy, would you come here for a minute so that I can tell you something in secret.

Okay. What is it, Virginia?

Mommy, when I get older and I have babies, will you be happy?

Of course, sweetheart. I will be thrilled.

Why, mommy? Why will you be happy?

Virginia, I love you, and I'm proud of you, and I know you're going to be a great mom. And I can't wait to meet all of your babies. I'm going to love them!

Okay, thank you mommy. I love you. Goodnight.