Virginia and Jude had their well-child exams today. A little late. We're seeing a new pediatrician, and so we had lots of ground to cover before he could declare the kids healthy, well adjusted, on level, or whatever. I blush to admit that at times during the exam, I was certain that the doctor would declare our entire family mentally challenged.
Virginia: The Prelude
Nurse: Can Virginia make the "F" sound?
Cathleen: Uh . . . I think so . . .
Nurse: Examples of words with that sound-- funny, face, friend . . .
Cathleen: Right, yes, she can do that.
Nurse: Can she make the hard "C" sound?
Cathleen: Probably.
Nurse: Cake . . . cuddle . . .
Cathleen: . . . Cathleen . . . uh, yes, I think so. Virginia, can you say "kuh"?
. . . silence . . .
Nurse: Can she make the "R" sound? Rabbit, race, . . .
Cathleen: Virginia, say "rabbit."
. . . silence . . .
Cathleen: I think this would go a lot more smoothly if I had a coffee.
Did you just have to give me examples of words that make those sounds, because I really know which words make which sounds. I'm just tired. We're all tired . . . I'm left handed, so do you mind if I stand on that side?
Nurse: Sure
a few moments pass
Cathleen: Wait, if I were left-handed, I would need to stand on the other side.
Nurse: I wasn't going to say anything.
Virginia: The Exam
Dr. Patel: Hi, Virginia.
Do you know your colors?
. . . silence, a blank stare . . .
Cathleen: Of course. Virginia, please look the doctor in the eye and answer him when he asks you a question. Do you know your colors?
Virginia: (in a whisper, with a trace of a lisp) Yes.
Dr. Patel: What color is this?
. . . more silence . . .
Dr. Patel: Is it green?
Virginia nods her head.
Cathleen: Seriously, she knows her colors. Virginia, please cooperate.
Dr. Patel: That's okay. We'll try something else. Virginia, can you stand up then bend over and touch your toes?
Virginia: No.
Dr. Patel: Can you try to touch your toes?
. . . silence . . .
Dr. Patel: Okay Virginia, can you stand on one foot?
. . . silence . . .
Cathleen: How do you feel about bribery, Dr. Patel? I can probably make her do this . . .
Ella: (hopping on one foot) . . . Look at me! Look at me!
Dr. Patel: It's okay. I'm sure she's fine . . .
Jude: The Prelude
Nurse: So, does he sleep well?
Cathleen: No.
Nurse: Does he say any words other than mom or dad? Can he make the "W" sound?
Cathleen: Let me ask him. Jude, say "wuh." Come on, Jude.
Nurse: It's okay . . .
Can he climb the stairs?
Cathleen: What do you mean by that? He crawls up them and promptly falls right back down. Does that count?
Nurse: Why not?
The doctor will be in to see you in a minute.
Jude: The Exam, A Highlight
Dr. Patel: Can Jude run?
Cathleen: Absolutely!
Dr. Patel: Okay, Jude. Come with me over here. Now, run to your mommy.
Jude: Aaaaagghh! Waaaaaaah. AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHH.
Jude throws himself to the floor, pushes himself up on his knees, and begins to bang his head on the tile floor.
Cathleen: Jude, cut it out. Stand up and run to me.
Screaming, Jude begins to roll his naked body back and forth across the floor.
Cathleen: He didn't say roll, Jude. He said run. Stand up.
Dr. Patel: It's okay. I'm sure he's fine. So, do you want to wait on those shots? Perhaps you'd rather come back in a few months . . .
3 comments:
This proves they're smart! They were practicing evasion.
Evasion: failure to give a direct answer to a direct question, usually in order to conceal the truth.
Sounds like they are very cunning and intended to deceive the doctor.
If you ask me, they were brilliant and quick to think of such a glorious plan, it worked!
Crying. I'm crying.
This is hysterical.. That nurse sounds like a real trip.
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