Our Day So Far

The girls: (in chorus) Mommy, mommy, we want to help you make the pancakes.

Mommy: Uhhhhhhhhh, okay, but please be really careful this time.

Moments later . . .

Virginia: Mommy, I had an accident. I spilled the mix.

Ella: Look at me, I'm mixing this just like an adult. I'm so fast. Uh-oh. Sorry, mom.

Mommy: Please be careful girls, or we're going to ruin the pancake mix. Damn! I spilled the eggs all over the counter. I need coffee.

Ella: May I help?

Mommy: Sure, please fill the water up to the 4.

Ella: What about Miss Kathy? Shouldn't we make her coffee?

Mommy: Actually, Miss Kathy doesn't drink coffee.

Ella: Why not?

Mommy: Well, she doesn't really believe it's a good thing to drink coffee.

Ella: Why?

Mommy: I think because it alters your mood.

Ella: What does that mean?

Mommy: Well, for example, coffee makes me more alert, more awake.

Ella: But mommy, you need coffee. You're so grumpy that you have to have coffee. You're just so grumpy without it.

Mommy: Thanks, Ella. Why don't you go fill up the pot with water?

Moments later . . .

Ella: Oh, no! I'm spilling water everywhere.

Mommy: Jude, get out of the water, you're making a huge mess. Virginia, get off that chair. You can't sit on mommy's green chair unless you have panties on.

Virginia: No!!!!!! I like being naked.

While the pancakes are cooking . . .

Mommy: Would anyone like to sweep the floor for me?

Girls: Not me.

Mommy: Doesn't anyone else care that our floor is disgusting? Don't you at least want our friends to think that we live in a clean house?

Ella: No, I don't care. Are the pancakes ready?

The girls sit down to eat. I overhear Ella.

Ella: (Swatting her hand at the fly) Look at me, fly. These are my pancakes. Ha ha ha. You can't have them. They're sweet and they're sticky and they're all mine. Ha ha ha ha ha . . .

(speaking to herself) So, I wonder--if I don't brush my teeth, and sugar bugs eat holes in them, will other sugar bugs find the sugar bugs that were in my mouth and then eat holes in those sugar bugs' mouths? And will it keep happening to all of the sugar bugs so that eventually all of the sugar bugs will be sick?

Mommy: Ella, I don't think sugar bugs have teeth.